12/19/2016 Heart vs Head

So, today was a rough day.

I woke up to my loud mother taking and our parrots being unfortunately, their normal volume which literally sounds like a bird music festival. It was around 9 am, but felt like it was 5. I dragged myself out of bed and threw on some clothes. All I wanted to do today was go see Will. That is literally it. I just want to love on him like no other. My mom and sister went to go get their teeth cleaned or something and I was just getting up so I stayed home and registered for some more classes. It is really really sad that I feel like I have to still get my parents approval when I go and do something. I am an adult. An ADULT.But my dad still treats me like a child as long as I am staying in one of the rooms in his home for the holidays and never forgets to mention that that includes abiding by his rules. So have ya’ll ever heard of tinder? If your anywhere in my age group, then I am sure you have. Well, I have met some crazies on there, some good bros, and some guys who were so two faced it was crazy. But, I decided I would swipe for fun over thanksgiving break, and although most were casual conversations, this one guy Will really intrigued me. He didn’t start with a gross pick up line or say anything that came close to DTF. I really liked him as a person for that, he seemed chill. We just talked really casually and it was awesome, no pressure what so ever. But then he started texting me on the daily, and it was so natural I didn’t think anything of it. But then he started wanting to skype me at night, and I began to feel something for him. It was like I was nervous talking to him and I was sad when he was gone and I didn’t like not talking to him or being so far from him. And one day it hit me, literally just hit me, oh my goodness, I like him don’t I? For some reason this is never obvious for me. Unless things are on a sign hitting me in the head I don’t notice them when other people do. Anyways, I go to school in Texas, and he goes to school in Arizona right where my parents live. I told myself I wouldn’t go for him since he’s so far away but it just kinda happened, you know? And honestly, I totally second selena’s the heart wants what it wants song because that is so applicable to my love life always. My head and my heart don’t always align, actually who I am playing they never do, and I always want to go with my heart, but my head always tries to win. Anyways back to Will, I went to see him today. I told my mother I was going shopping but I just went to see him. I had to, its the only chance I will get in forever. He was literally so fricking sweet I can’t even explain it. He exceeded all and any expectation I had in my mind. He was charming, smart, shy, manly, and so loving! Which makes this situation harder. Sometimes I wish he just looked like a bald chihuahua so I could walk away and know that it just wouldn’t work, but I catch myself yearning to be with him. It’s just 1) my parents absolutely hate the idea of tinder 2)they want me to date someone thats my race(DUMBEST THING EVER) 3) we are long distances apart and lastly 4) hes 7 years older. Is it worth all those setbacks I can already see? I just do not know what to do. I want him but my head is telling me no. What should I do?

Bye for now,

Helpless and Confused



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