“There are plenty of fish in the sea”
There are so many ways to interpret that saying and it didn’t ever leave me with a solid meaning until a few years back. Now I am no where near a psychologist, but I am always intrigued on how important our emotions are in our daily lives and how experiences shape the future ahead. Let me share with you, a little bit about going fishing….
There was one day when I was talking to my dad, and he told me how he dated this one girl in college, different from my mom, and he said he definitely could have seen her being his wife but she was in love before he was and before he was ready. I remember feeling a bit uncomfortable considering 1) he was speaking romantically towards a woman that wasn’t my mom and 2) i felt like it was a conversation my mom wouldn’t be too pleased about. I remember thinking that night about it a lot, and I remember it hitting me many times that we are so constantly filled with this artificial idea that there is only one perfect guy for you and there is no one else on the planet you can be happy with. That same idea engraved this emphasis on the fact that we will NEVER find happiness unless we are in the right place, at the right time, with our meant to be romeo.
Isn’t that crazy? Now I think it is. But I really used to believe it! To the point that I would stress out about every situation. The guy behind me in the Starbucks line, the cashier at the grocery store, the classy neighbor of mine with the sharp facial hair and a definitive jawline, or a potential guy I meet some day in the future. It was overwhelming to think about the fact that one of those guys could be the ONE and I might let that chance slip away if I the winner isn’t clear to me and he doesn’t make an effort. It felt like a multiple choice exam yet I never got my score back and never got to see the answer key! I hate that -_-….Was I supposed to talk first because I am the outgoing one or should I still let him introduce himself first? What if I didn’t look cute enough the first time he saw me and now he looks at me as unapproachable? What if he doesn’t like my mannerisms? What if he thought I was talking to a boyfriend on the phone because I ended it with I love you but it was really my mom!!!???
It got to the point it became a mission. To find a great guy that was perfect for me, he knew it, I knew it, and we both knew we were perfect for each other. After months upon months of living like this, I realized, it wasn’t about finding my soulmate and trying to complete this mission to deem myself worthy of being loved. If it was meant to be, it would happen naturally. I realized, I have a better time in general when I am confident and worry-free. And that’s what I began to do, to just live without worrying about it.
I am by no means trying to give you advice, I would just like to leave whoever you are with encouragement to love yourself and take time to appreciate everything you are today, in this very moment! To stop worrying about when and if you will ever meet that special someone. If it is meant to be it will. And this isn’t coming from someone who has found her soulmate, I am still single, but I am definitely ok with that! I am discovering more about myself I wouldn’t notice with a guy around. Take in all you can and notice everything you already have. You will be the perfect girl/ guy for someone someday. It may just not be today, and that is totally ok! The other tip of encouragement I would like to leave you with is that the best relationships I have had are the ones I wasn’t looking for. The ones where I met the guy and I really wasn’t looking for a boyfriend but I enjoyed spending time with him, and I knew there was attraction. It are the moments when you aren’t checking the boxes and you weren’t fretting about if you were their type or if you were good enough for them. When you can be yourself, and laugh, and just enjoy the time with them,those moments are the ones that really tell you if you could see them being more than just a friend with you. Even if you don’t want to date a guy you talk to, it never hurts to make a new friend.
Remember, you do not always have to put bate on the end of the hook. They will swim by naturally when the time is right.
Good luck fishing.